Ok I don’t know how many of you will go read my “About Me” Page, but I thought I’d post it here, because well I’ve not done a blog for a whole week, (I was down with flu) and it was fun to do, and I’m pleased with it. So yes, here you go, you all know this about me anyway, but just think of it as “Everyone Out There, part two” and yes I might format it so it continues directly from that.
So here you go my lovely readers. Now did that warm your heart or was it just a tad creepy? Like Gollum or something, ew. Well it was meant for the former, but if it felt like the latter, I’ll remove the my.
A restless heart, not one for routine, yet find it hard to leave a comfortable groove. 19 years, wanting to see the world and change it. Falling in and out of love often. Building up lasting relationships, rooting myself in this wacky, wonderful community to help me live out my many wild dreams. Bizarrely good memory for names, faces and places, but I forget what I went upstairs for. Occasionally swayed into almost saintly acts if it’ll please other people, but difficult to dissuade me when I do say no. Love people about equally to my love for food, music and nature. Short, dark haired, dark eyed.
Fairly phlegmatic, easygoing, unless you’re a Bono, people, music and food hater with a narrow, judgemental and prejudiced mind, in which case I’d have to kill you. Struggle to maintain arguments or intense seriousness without attempting to lighten the mood. Naive, more innocent than I’d like you to believe, intuitive, freedom obssessed. Commitment, structure and institution phobic. Love to laugh, dance, cry and sing, although the latter three I am no talent at. Oh and as you can already guess, I am honest to the point of utter transparency, some people would call that too honest, but if that’s me, that’s me, I guess. I can be bitchy, I am usually scatty, daft and try to keep most of these random elements on some kind of equilibrium. But then if life didn’t swing out of kilter, where would the fun be? And here below are more aspects of marvellous me, a mixture of general things that some of you may nod your heads at, and very personal quirks that are as unique to me as my starshaped belly button, (yes I know other people will have a similar one but the nurses were amazed ok ?).
Ashdown Forest walks amongst the gorse and bracken in all weathers, eye opening discussions with my unusual parents and my fascinating grandmother, laughter filled chats with my talented sister. Debates, arguments and endless conversations with every single one of my friends. The adrenalin as the plane leaves and hits the tarmac. The excitement of entering a new place, hearing a foreign language and different accents.
Filling up blank pages of a new notebook with an ink filled fountain pen or manically typing a Word Document, when inspiration never ceases. The satisfaction of my work being published, read and displayed, online or in a magazine. The fresh, warm feeling of a newly cleaned bedroom and a similar sensation but through my body instead after a healing bath, heavenly massage or refreshing shower. The thrill of listening to a new U2 song. The intense joy of seeing them live, screaming along with 70,000 others. Crying until the need ends and feeling cleansed for it. Talking to someone who listens without judgement.
Cuddling babies and smelling the tops of their soft, silky heads. Italian coffee, French croissants, a lovingly made meal. Pancakes for breakfast soaked in maple syrup, fluffy scrambled eggs and crispy bacon. Mama’s wholesome, yummy veg soup and green salad for lunch. Tea and Sophie’s decadent cake. Dad’s salmon and all the accoutrements followed by Grandma’s melt in the mouth apple pie for supper.
Sunshine on my back, wind in my hair, dozing in a warm bed trying to catch the already half forgotten dream. The salty, cold, invigorating ocean surrounding and holding me. The smell of a spring morning, of new plants and new beginnings. The rich, decaying odour of the autumn, after a long dry summer. Damp leaves underfoot and the first mud and puddles before they take over, not leaving a dry patch anywhere. The first snowfall, unusual icicles, heavy hoar frosts. An icy crescent moon, the big yellow harvest moon, meteor showers in November.
The meditative sensation of popping bubble wrap, crunching ice on a hot day, kicking that stray pebble along tarmac or kneading fresh dough. The overwhelming high of putting on a great show and receiving a standing ovation. Ringing and buzzing in my ears for days afterwards, unable to unwind or stop. The crash of proper thunder, the beauty of true lightning in real electrical storms. Being lavish and having cocktails in decadent settings like Monte Carlo and Waikiki, pretending to be one of the Glitterati, while surrounded by the real thing. A good meal out at a posh restaurant in London followed by a fabulous West End Show.
The sensation of new, good quality clothes and the feel of favourite well worn pieces. The toxic smell of a magazine straight from the printing press or a newly painted wall. Camping in the fields, with a good log fire, songs, stories and laughter around it. Waking damp, yet glad to have done it, at the dawn chorus. Driving across the acres in a Land Rover, not having to be mindful of speed limits or pedestrians. The wild, intoxicating freedom combined with fear of driving out that first time. Spending a truly large amount of money on myself without guilt or obligation to anybody else. The feeling of a thick wedge of cash, concert ticket, a bank card or driving license in hand, indicating my independence forevermore.
The bliss of kissing, caressing and loving a loved one, and receiving the same. Soft words, gentle conversation, and ardent passion combined. The kick of the chase, and being the prey, flirting, tension, heady excitement and dizzyness of a new chemistry. Having the confidence in high levels and the ability to be myself, loved whatever I say or do.
The adorable vulnerability of a new puppy or kitten, a laughing baby or a precocious toddler, the beauty of seeing a rare, wild animal in its natural home. The contentment after creating an appreciated meal, admired painting, or blossoming garden.
Dancing in a silk dress, running barefoot on a beach with the roar of the waves and the wails of seagulls in the background. Climbing to the top of a tower, a hill, a cliff or a mountain and the panoramic view beneath. Summer light through the trees and dappling everything, the sound of a gushing stream when you’re thirsty. Soothing chapstick on dry lips and soft moisturiser on raw skin! Meeting old friends and relatives after a long journey. Learning something or acquiring a skill.
Coming out of a deep meditation and knowing myself better for it. Reading a book that never disappoints, while listening to an album that doesn’t grow old. Watching a play or film with flawless direction, plot, cast and set. Hearing a song on the radio that has exactly the appropriate lyric. A smooth train ride that doesn’t go amiss, a road trip that never bores or a sequence of events that goes exactly how I’d imagined, without a hiccup. A sequence of events that works out far better than I’d imagined, like a round at Pool or an uncomfortable conversation that turns into uncontrollable giggles and laughter that eventually loses its reason and doesn’t stop, ever! The anticipation of watching someone I’ve put my faith and trust in, step forward and make a speech, take an oath or release an album. The relief of hearing a loved one is out of danger.
Riding rollercoasters, bouncing way too high on a trampoline and flying through the air, screaming and squealing at full volume. Cold side of the pillow against my cheek, soft grass and warm sand rubbing my feet. A stranger smiling unexpectedly, helping out someone who needs it. Putting a photo album together and reflecting on memories. Knowing when to accept that life couldn’t get any worse, surrendering to its pain and then the pure joy of coming out the other side.
Well I guess Rodgers and Hammerstein couldn’t really cram all that in, otherwise Julie would have had a hell of a mouthful. There really is much more to life than I’d remembered. It was certainly a good exercise this, if somewhat self indulgent, thanks for listening, I mean reading, folks.
NB or PS, not sure what it’s meant to be on a blog. Anyway, KUDOS to the readers who read “Restless Heart” at the beginning and followed it by singing in your head or aloud ” the restless heart, the promised land…” good old Killers eh?
