Teenagecoach’s Blog

Ok I don’t know how many of you will go read my “About Me” Page, but I thought I’d post it here, because well I’ve not done a blog for a whole week, (I was down with flu) and it was fun to do, and I’m pleased with it. So yes, here you go, you all know this about me anyway, but just think of it as “Everyone Out There, part two” and yes I might format it so it continues directly from that.

So here you go my lovely readers. Now did that warm your heart or was it just a tad creepy? Like Gollum or something, ew. Well it was meant for the former, but if it felt like the latter, I’ll remove the my.

A restless heart, not one for routine, yet find it hard to leave a comfortable groove. 19 years, wanting to see the world and change it. Falling in and out of love often. Building up lasting relationships, rooting myself in this wacky, wonderful community to help me live out my many wild dreams. Bizarrely good memory for names, faces and places, but I forget what I went upstairs for. Occasionally swayed into almost saintly acts if it’ll please other people, but difficult to dissuade me when I do say no. Love people  about equally to my love for food, music and nature. Short, dark haired, dark eyed. 

Fairly phlegmatic, easygoing, unless you’re a Bono, people, music and food hater with a narrow, judgemental and prejudiced mind, in which case I’d have to kill you. Struggle to maintain arguments or intense seriousness without attempting to lighten the mood. Naive, more innocent than I’d like you to believe, intuitive, freedom obssessed. Commitment, structure and institution phobic. Love to laugh, dance, cry and sing, although the latter three I am no talent at. Oh and as you can already guess, I am honest to the point of utter transparency, some people would call that too honest, but if that’s me, that’s me, I guess. I can be bitchy, I am usually scatty, daft and try to keep most of these random elements on some kind of equilibrium. But then if life didn’t swing out of kilter, where would the fun be?  And here below are more aspects of marvellous me, a mixture of general things that some of you may nod your heads at, and very personal quirks that are as unique to me as my starshaped belly button, (yes I know other people will have a similar one but the nurses were amazed ok ?).

Ashdown Forest walks amongst the gorse and bracken in all weathers, eye opening discussions with my unusual parents and my fascinating grandmother, laughter filled chats with my talented sister.  Debates, arguments and endless conversations with every single one of my friends. The adrenalin as the plane leaves and hits the tarmac. The excitement of entering a new place, hearing a foreign language and different accents.

Filling up blank pages of a new notebook with an ink filled fountain pen or manically typing a Word Document, when inspiration never ceases. The satisfaction of my work being published, read and displayed, online or in a magazine. The fresh, warm feeling of a newly cleaned bedroom and a similar sensation but through my body instead after a healing bath, heavenly massage or refreshing shower. The thrill of listening to a new U2 song. The intense joy of seeing them live, screaming along with 70,000 others. Crying until the need ends and feeling cleansed for it. Talking to someone who listens without judgement.

Cuddling babies and smelling the tops of their soft, silky heads. Italian coffee, French croissants, a lovingly made meal. Pancakes for breakfast soaked in maple syrup, fluffy scrambled eggs and crispy bacon. Mama’s wholesome, yummy veg soup and green salad for lunch. Tea and Sophie’s decadent cake. Dad’s salmon and all the accoutrements followed by Grandma’s melt in the mouth apple pie for supper.

Sunshine on my back, wind in my hair, dozing in a warm bed trying to catch the already half forgotten dream. The salty, cold, invigorating ocean surrounding and holding me. The smell of a spring morning, of new plants and new beginnings. The rich, decaying odour of  the autumn, after a long dry summer. Damp leaves underfoot and the first mud and puddles before they take over, not leaving a dry patch anywhere. The first snowfall, unusual icicles, heavy hoar frosts. An icy crescent moon, the big yellow harvest moon, meteor showers in November.

The meditative sensation of popping bubble wrap, crunching ice on a hot day, kicking that stray pebble along tarmac or kneading fresh dough. The overwhelming high of putting on a great show and receiving a standing ovation. Ringing and buzzing in my ears for days afterwards, unable to unwind or stop.  The crash of proper thunder, the beauty of true lightning in real electrical storms. Being lavish and having cocktails in decadent settings like Monte Carlo and Waikiki, pretending to be one of the  Glitterati, while surrounded by the real thing. A good meal out at a posh restaurant in London followed by a fabulous West End Show.

The sensation of new, good quality clothes and the feel of favourite well worn pieces. The toxic smell of a magazine straight from the printing press or a newly painted wall. Camping in the fields, with a good log fire, songs, stories and laughter around it. Waking damp, yet glad to have done it, at the dawn chorus. Driving across the acres in a Land Rover, not having to be mindful of speed limits or pedestrians. The wild, intoxicating freedom combined with fear of driving out that first time. Spending a truly large amount of money on myself without guilt or obligation to anybody else. The feeling of a thick wedge of cash, concert ticket, a bank card or driving license in hand, indicating my independence forevermore.

The bliss of kissing, caressing and loving a loved one, and receiving the same. Soft words, gentle conversation, and ardent passion combined. The kick of the chase, and being the prey, flirting, tension, heady excitement and dizzyness of a new chemistry. Having the confidence in high levels and the ability to be myself, loved whatever I say or do.

The adorable vulnerability of a new puppy or kitten, a laughing baby or a precocious toddler, the beauty of seeing a rare, wild animal in its natural home. The contentment after creating an appreciated meal, admired painting, or blossoming garden. 

Dancing in a silk dress, running barefoot on a beach with the roar of the waves and the wails of seagulls in the background. Climbing to the top of a tower, a hill, a cliff or a mountain and the panoramic view beneath. Summer light through the trees and dappling everything, the sound of a gushing stream when you’re thirsty. Soothing chapstick on dry lips and soft moisturiser on raw skin! Meeting old friends and relatives after a long journey. Learning something or acquiring a skill.

Coming out of a deep meditation and knowing myself better for it. Reading a book that never disappoints, while listening to an album that doesn’t grow old. Watching a play or film with flawless direction, plot, cast and set. Hearing a song on the radio that has exactly the appropriate lyric. A smooth train ride that doesn’t go amiss, a road trip that never bores or a sequence of events that goes exactly how I’d imagined, without a hiccup. A sequence of events that works out far better than I’d imagined, like a round at Pool or an uncomfortable conversation that turns into uncontrollable giggles and laughter that eventually loses its reason and doesn’t stop, ever! The anticipation of watching someone I’ve put my faith and trust in, step forward and make a speech, take an oath or release an album. The relief of hearing a loved one is out of danger.

Riding rollercoasters, bouncing way too high on a trampoline and flying through the air, screaming  and squealing at full volume. Cold side of the pillow against my cheek, soft grass and warm sand rubbing my feet. A stranger smiling unexpectedly, helping out someone who needs it. Putting a photo album together and reflecting on memories. Knowing when to accept that life couldn’t get any worse, surrendering to its pain and then the pure joy of coming out the other side.

Well I guess Rodgers and Hammerstein couldn’t really cram all that in, otherwise Julie would have had a hell of a mouthful. There really is much more to life than I’d remembered. It was certainly a good exercise this, if somewhat self indulgent, thanks for listening, I mean reading, folks.

NB or PS, not sure what it’s meant to be on a blog. Anyway, KUDOS to the readers who read “Restless Heart” at the beginning and followed it by singing in your head or aloud ” the restless heart,  the promised land…” good old Killers eh?

Eeek it’s already been a while and I’m meant to be doing this uber regular like! Damn! Ok so today, I am going to use this as a gratitude journal; I had such an amazing birthday weekend that it seems only right to go all gooey and express my gratitude.

To start off with, 2 of my bestest friends came back from university! Emma actually made it from Cornwall and words can’t express my joy at that. And Joe came from Farnham, a fair way to come too, especially when the forecasters were threatening us with a weather front straight from Siberia..

My birthday was very special, Emma joined my parents, grandma, sister and me, Joe and Jakob also making appearances. We had a splendid lunch, I was spoilt with gifts and cards. At teatime, my uncle, aunt, little cousin and other best friend Emilie turned up for tea. And in the evening, my parents, grandmother, sister, Emma, the boys and I went to see Slumdog Millionaire. It was a harrowing, powerful story to see on your birthday, but I’m glad I did and it is certainly worthy of the huge critical acclaim it’s getting.

The evening was rounded off by a fabulous home-cooked meal, fillet steak! My favourite! And the illegal viewing of the yet unreleased video of U2’s Get on Your Boots, which is awesome and has reminded me again why exactly I love this band. Joe, Emma and I also had a late night walk on the golf course, under the new moon and stars, which was lovely. It had been a long time since just the three of us had been together like that and it reminded me of how much I missed these two U2 haters, while they were off at university.

 Stella, another close friend, along with Ned, organised my partay, hosted at the latter’s incredible chapel, (I will write about the significance of his home for my group of friends soon), which was great, especially as I have been organising our weekly socials for a while now. We danced and chatted and hung out and had our photos taken by Ned, who as well as being our Venue Lord, is also our resident Annie Leibovitz!  In the middle of the party, they presented me with the gift of 1 U2 ticket (for when they come on sale), chocolates, cards and a cake made by the fabulous Stella.

The weekend was nearly over, my Sunday was very relaxed and I did very little. But then Monday brought the promised Siberian weather, most of the UK woke up to at least 4 inches of SNOW! And as ever, our country, unable to cope was brought to a stand still, slowing everyone down, bringing everyone out to their local slopes and tobogganing. I am lucky enough to live on the edge of a golf course as well as own the Rolls Royces of sledges, and so out we went. The first expedition was a walk down to the village, driving was not really an option, and it did awaken in me a yearning for the simple life. In the afternoon, we joined what felt like all of Forest Row on the slopes of the golf course and had a blast!

What a birthday weekend indeed, my love, appreciation and gratitude go to all those whose love came in many different form. So a little love back to them:

Sophie, for being the coolest sister ever: late night pizza and chats, early morning Gilmore girls, make up and love!

Dad: Advice always on tap, reflecting perfectly and for unstinting support and guidance.

Mum: For always listening, even when you’d rather not hear it, the same as dad, straightening hair, domestic goddess tips and for mummy hugs.

Grandma: For always listening, pearls of wisdom and experience, great food, helping out whenever/whatever the need.

Kim, Anne-Marie and Max D-H: For being the hippest relatives with a brilliant shared sense of humour, and for coming to tea.

Emma: Words will never be enough, but for making the trip back, always being on the other end of a phone call, unconditional giving and so much more.

Emilie: For untiring patience, always ready to listen, forgiveness, walks on the forest, gentleness, determination and friendship.

Stella: For always being on the other end of msn, hearing my rants and raves, giggling a lot, catching onto my ideas and running with them. SEXXXX!

Joe: For challenging my every opinion, your goofy sense of humour, for my poem, introducing me to new music and always being entertaining.

Ned: For mindblowing photographs and for being lord of a venue that will always have a special place in ma hearrrt, d’aw!

Jakob: For your purity of mind and heart, your humour, your laughter and just  being amazing.

Alex: An absent friend, for shared car journeys, eclectic music, endless conversations about beautiful people, mutual harassment, mutual respect and maple candy.

Oli: Another absent friend, for our random sense of humour, spot on impersonations, your listening skills, for surprising me at Christmas.

Will: For interesting philosophical insights, for hosting MFNs, your humour, your blog, your tenacity and being brave enough to be the first of us to go off and really see the world.

Ali, Phoebe, Christy, Annie and Billy: I affectionately call you the babies or the little ones, because in reality you are all so grown up (not to mention towering over me) and are going to turn this world upside down with your individual talents, beauty and sheer coolness.  

Alicia: For disagreements over men and music, makeovers, your beautiful singing voice and impressive acting skills.

Hannah: For being kind, gorgeous, hard-working funny and lovely, we will do that coffee soon!

Vanessa: For the cinema, fabulous late night chats, the law of attraction, makeovers too and good fun.

Christina: For amazing dancing, always listening, empathetic, compassionate and caring so much.

Becca: For THERAPY, awesome dance moves, your HUGS, your honesty and Becca LOVE.

Abra and Merle: For hot chocolates, good food, listening, being on my wavelength, understanding about taking life at your own pace and so much more.

And all my daisies: Steph, Maddy, Min, Charlotte, Kelly, Irene, Lisa, Sarah and Marie-Anne: For sharing the U2 love, especially the Bono part, and being awesome friends that I’m  so glad to have met, through this Irish band.

I LOVE YOU ALL, YOU ALL MAKE MY LIFE EVERY DAY!